Remember to
point your toes
while Kant
describes your every motion
as a maxim,
each strike kick
forming in your
joint,
catapulting
itself into the world
as universal
law.
Pop your
shoulders forward
fall like a swan
and fold,
your feathers
into the symposium.
Around a table
of men
you move
gracefully
your body knows
more about love
than they could
ever imagine.
Your feet settle
comfortably
back into first
position.
Standing tall
you are the overman
Of Nieztsche’s
dreams,
creativity
dripping from your
wrist as they
curve in the air
and Aristotle
whispers,
“This is
virtue.”
This is very cleanly written, and what a strong opening line … If you were looking to add more (and it’s so clean, I don’t know that it would improve with too much more) you might add more to the crescendo (around the lines “your body knows more about love/than they could ever imagine”). I think you’ve set this up nicely to really bring the hammer down with a few more lines announcing the speaker as strong in a way these men are not.
ReplyDeleteI'll echo what Corey said - I'd like to see more of the speaker's interiority in the poem - how do philosophy and dance/ballet (?) coexist in her life? The movement of this poem is as graceful as your talent. As always, nice work.
ReplyDeleteThis is a dance. It swayed- really cool. Like Sarah said, I love the meeting of dancing and philosophy. good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with what's been said already. The only thing I have to add is perhaps changing the title, since it's clear from the poem that follows that thoughts do indeed have rhythm.
ReplyDeletegreat job connecting dance and philosophy. I did find myself wanting more images, more creative words..I could feel the rhythm which is good..."Pop your shoulders forward
ReplyDeletefall like a swan and fold,
your feathers into the symposium." is my fav.
I will echo everyone else in agreeing that this is a really great piece. I love the rhythm and the idea of linking philosophy with dance. As always, it rolls forward with an effortless fluidity while still refusing to pull punches. I agree with Sarah in wanting more of the speaker in this, more of where they stand overall. I think it would benefit from more interior expression on her part.
ReplyDelete