Dan Crawford
Christine Salvatore
Poetry Workshop
2/16/2018
After losing your rider at Blazer’s Mill
you are lost in a land
where the script has already
been written and
all things are coarse
and bare, yielded to an end
omnipresent, to cracked earth and bleached stone.
You wander riderless
past a desperate copse of chaparral.
You step over sand piper, sand dragon,
etch prints into crust
that are dismissed
with the next ragged gust.
Coal-fire Mountains teethe
a vacuous, hollow sky.
You walk amidst the dying.
You pad to a bedrock headstone
among the bleak grey bones of time.
You brush past saguaro that grinds
your unheard snorts, whimpers and whines.
You loll in a furnace wind unrefined
of the breezy musk of dampened corral grass,
the tanned rider’s whispered word and leathered lash.
It will come like sand brushed on crystal glass.
You will stop at last and make your peace
With an end born from memory of a ridered past.
I enjoyed reading your poem! You have beautiful images throughout and do a great job of drawing in your reader. I liked your use of line breaks and thought they were well placed. The last two lines of your poem are very vivid. However I would consider revising the last line so that it matched the beauty of the rest of the piece. Other than that great job!
ReplyDeleteI think you have captured the environment beautifully, and the rhyme works fairly well. I would like to see either a deeper narrative, or more emotional touchstones (“the tanned rider’s whispered word and leathered lash” being an example of this. The end (looking back with fondness) might work better if the reader were more poignantly aware of why “riderless” is a better state.
ReplyDeleteAs always, lots of really strong imagery and descriptions. I really love the scope of scenery presented - your poem moves from a seascape to a desert. I'd like a little more clarity to make it more narrative, but as always, really well done.
ReplyDeleteI have been planning a trip to go visit a desert. I have lived in NJ my whole life. The shore is my second home. Cliche as it may be, but the writer in me can't stay away from the water! I have always been drawn to visit a desert because its totally opposite, but at the same time, the same. I need to go explore and write and explore and write. (and take pictures and draw, and then, write some more) This poem does that for me! Very cool
ReplyDeleteWith lines like "Coal-fire Mountains teethe / a vacuous, hollow sky." you've obviously got a good hold on imagery. But I do agree with the general sentiment of creating a more central narrative thrust.
ReplyDelete"omnipresent, to cracked earth and bleached stone"...ugh, great. I really love the sounds and the images but I agree, I wasn't exactly sure where the poem was going. More narration, but only a little.
ReplyDelete