Cory W. Thornton
Instructor Christine Salvatore
CRW 7121 – POETRY WORKSHOP
16 February 2018
Instructor Christine Salvatore
CRW 7121 – POETRY WORKSHOP
16 February 2018
Intimate
The gritty puddles splash
tinkling against the house that cropped
the alley too close but held, each time a car
raced the alley. Her palms hover dusty,
her smile one bowl ahead of hands drifted
above four, caressing measurements of salt,
turmeric, chili as powder.
How much tomato, garlic, and onion?
Even in asking I know, the question is no good.
She wipes condensation from the beer glass
from her hands, and clean-handed scratches my shoulder.
I watch her face as she shapes empty piles on the cutting board.
tinkling against the house that cropped
the alley too close but held, each time a car
raced the alley. Her palms hover dusty,
her smile one bowl ahead of hands drifted
above four, caressing measurements of salt,
turmeric, chili as powder.
How much tomato, garlic, and onion?
Even in asking I know, the question is no good.
She wipes condensation from the beer glass
from her hands, and clean-handed scratches my shoulder.
I watch her face as she shapes empty piles on the cutting board.
Cory,
ReplyDeleteYou used strong images and wording to captivate your readers in such a short piece. I enjoyed this poem and how the title really reflected the feel of this work. However I would suggest working with line breaks in order to make this an even stronger piece. Great Job!
There is so much visceral language in this short poem. I love that you used onomatopoeia to help the reader hear the car outside, the spices to smell/taste, and the condensation and scratching for feeling. This is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI love that I can visualize what you are saying in this poem. The wiping of the condensation and the scratch on the shoulder are my favorite parts. You painted a picture here, and its works! The only thing that I would work on is the title. Good job! (also, I know this is kind of taboo, but I think this would be cool as a block style poem. I have fun playing with styles and format. You should try it out!)
ReplyDeleteKiller syntax. I think this is the strongest thing I've seen from you.
ReplyDeleteso much is seen without saying a lot. great job, great word choice as usual. I could get the mood of the poem without needing any details about the two people in it.
ReplyDeleteReally awesome, Cory. Every word holds weight, and there is no wasted time or space here. You manage to evoke a feeling of graveness and emotion from a seemingly menial practice here (if the poem is describing what I think it is). As always, great work.
ReplyDelete