Nicole Hill
Never Enough
My fingers,
never enough
to wind me up,
the way he could.
But I try,
bones sweetening,
like honey,
racing to a beat
I can never meet.
Soft and light
they dance
in the dark.
American girl ,
Americas pastime,
settling
like a house in the night.
Tracing
the curves and edges
wishing
it was someone else
playing me, a game
they could never quit
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your poem! Your use of line breaks helps to move the poem along smoothly. There are nice subtle images that contain a sensual undertone. The only thing I would suggest is working the ending over. Consider changing your last two lines in order to stick with the theme of the rest of the piece. Great Job!
I think you have a strong piece…I would suggest either streamlining the pronouns (you use “he” at the beginning and “they” at the end), or let the reader know why you made the change.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really strong piece. I continue to really appreciate the crispness of your line breaks and strong word choices. I like the lines "American girl/America's pastime", but am a little unsure of your meaning. Is this about baseball or a play on words: like, past time v pastime?
ReplyDeleteThis is another delicate poem from you, Nicole! I am really enjoying the softness of this. The hints of rhyme and your words remind me of ballet. I am not sure I understand the full meaning of the poem, which I am not mad at. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThere's a certain softness to your poems that I think work perfectly. You manage to hit on some seemingly very emotional, grave content, but the lines are not harsh or invasive, yet still resound significantly. I am unsure as to the presence of "America" here though. Is this something you can explore further?
ReplyDelete